Support Raising A Granddaughter After A Family Tragedy

Janice Moses

Janice Moses, 60, has been raising her granddaughter Malauny independently since her son Devon, Malauny’s father, died due to gun violence in 2021, with the case never having been solved. “I felt sad, lonely, and a little bit abandoned,” Janice said. She was skeptical about whether she could go back to Family Connections, but then she saw a flyer for the service, and decided to get back in touch. In 2023, Janice reconnected with Family Connections, having previously been enrolled in services in 2017. Family Connections Baltimore works with families to identify and advocate for specific needs over a period of at least three months of service.

“We were in a very, very bad place,” she said. “We were isolated, I didn’t trust anybody, and I was suffering from bad depression. My worker came in like the sun, they lit things up. I was leery because I had lost my son, and I’m raising his daughter. I had a lot of fear about raising her by myself, she doesn’t know where her mother is. Our worker talked to us on our level. They didn’t talk down to us.”

The worker also connected with Janice’s younger son Jerrod, who was also in a bad place, having lost his brother to gun violence, Janice said.

“I didn’t have other resources, I didn’t have anyone else I could turn to, and so our worker came in and listened, and it felt like they were able to relate to our struggles,” Janice said. “They gave us the sense that me, my son, and granddaughter were not alone.”

The worker would come by and talk with the family, helping them get access to assistance such as group and individual therapy, as well as other resources. The family has found it easier to open up to each other and connect, where before, “we were not talking,” Janice said. After working with Family Connections, Janice’s son Jerrod has now found work and he is more optimistic about his future.

After completing the program, Janice joined the Caregiver group with other families who work with Family Connections. She learned a great deal from sitting with other grandparents in similar situations.

“A lot of grandparents are going through the same struggles I am,” she said. “And I’ve learned so much from listening to other people talk about how they’re raising their grandkids, because it’s scary. I don’t want to die and leave my granddaughter alone. So just by coming to meetings with other grandparents, and sharing our stories, that’s influenced me to be more positive when it comes to being with my granddaughter.”

Janice and her granddaughter now have a “very strong bond”, she said, with Melauny turning 13 recently. “But she doesn’t open up to anyone about her father. She doesn’t talk about it, about the grief,” she said. “And it’s very difficult for her to trust people because of what happened to her father.”

That said, Family Connections helped Janice to connect with Melauny, particularly through Melauny’s artwork.

“My son had a gift for art, and now out of nowhere Melauny has started drawing. She’s so beautiful with her art, and I have a lot of it on the fridge, and laminated it so that we can keep it. She didn’t go to a class or any training for it, she just picked it up on her own. She spends a lot of time drawing, and on the laptop, and she gets good grades at school. She’s very mature for 13. She looks just like my son, which is the biggest blessing.”

Janice still talks with a therapist once a week to manage feelings of being overwhelmed as she raises her granddaughter. She is also working through her ability to have a life of her own, recognizing that she has sacrificed repeated opportunities to socialize and travel over recent years, because she has prioritized keeping her family together.

“I don’t feel like I’m 60 years old,” she said. “I feel a lot younger than that.”

Janice goes to church with Melauny once a week, which gives them both an outlet for their thoughts and emotions, she said. Having grown up herself in foster care, Janice has a very strong desire to hold her family together. She is proud of the fact that her two sons never went into foster care and is determined to continue raising a proud granddaughter at home.

Through her time with Family Connections, Janice has come to realize that her bond with Melauny has helped her process her own grief over her son’s death.

“A lot of times, we think we are the ones helping these grandkids,” she said. “But they are helping us, too. I thought I was helping her, but she was also helping me.”